The All New PBNJJ

It has been with us for decades. It has become the staple of lunches. Some like it cold. Some like it toasted. It will never die. It will never go away. We will eat it for the rest of our days. It is the PB&J. Yes my friends, the quick and easy meal that all mothers know all too well. The simplistic taste of this sandwich is not enough for our pallets. I mean in this age of people who can text and drive certainly a PB&J should have more exiting flavour, right? Today this problem is solved, and will change your little world. Well maybe.  The answer is the PBNJJ. Yes that’s right the Peanut butter, Nutella, Jet puff, and Jelly sandwich. This is probably nothing new, but making it is just as easily accomplished as the original, and will dazzle your taste buds.

Ingredients & what not:

Before you can start you’ll need some necessary things in order to make your sandwich an experience. 

First, you’ll need three slices of bread, any old bread will do. 

Peanut butter, I recommend Jiff, or Smuckers for a good classic taste. 

Nutella, that great cocoa and hazelnut spread for across the pond. 

Jet-Puff, I recommend Kraft, but if you are strapped for cash Walmart brand will suffice just dandily. 

And last but certainly not least is jelly. 

Now that you have your ingredients you will know need a plate, cutting board, knife, and spreader.

(Note: Knife and spreader are two different things. Spreaders are wider with an oval-ish blade, making for an easier use) Okeydoke, now that you have everything let’s get to work.

How to make:

First take two slices of bread, and place them flat side by side. Then take a table spoon sized globe of peanut butter on your spreader and gently apply to one slice of bread. Next, take the other slice of bread and do the same for the Jet-Puff. Now here is where it gets important, take a teaspoon amount of jelly, and apply to slice with the peanut butter. Be extra gentle. After that get the Nutella and do the same to the Jet-Puffed slice. Now take the slice with the Jet Puff and Nutella on it, and lay it on top of the peanut butter and jelly slice, with the Jet-Puff and Nutella facing upwards. Almost finished, take the third slice of bread, and place it on top of your magnificent sandwich. Not slice, put on plate, and serve!

This is how it should look finished.

Congratulations, you now know how to make a proper PBNJJ! Nothing should go wrong if you follow these steps. However, if you happen to run out of Jet-Puff, Cool Whip makes a great substitute. If you run out of Nutella, then you’re a bad person, and deserve a bad sandwich.

With more practice you can be a PBNJJ whiz, wowing your friends and family with your new found culinary skill. But most of all your tongue will thank you for the delicious whirlwind of sweet goodness you have fed it. No more plain old PB&Js, or tired taste buds. Now go live free, and enjoy food!

Ending the Age of Squirrel Racism

Have you ever wondered why squirrels get such a bad rap? I have, and I find it most tragic. These poor creatures are trying to survive just like those sweet little birds in your backyard. Yet, we hinder there rights at every corner. Let me show you.


Bird feeders. Whoever invented these marvelous contraptions surely did not mean for them to become a hindrance to the squirrel race. But now we have come up with all the contraptions to discourage the poor creatures. Squirrels need to eat, and now they're mad for food, destroying your feeder for a bite to eat. We have lowered their self esteem and turned them into some rodent or something! Okay maybe they are a rodent, but they are a favored place in our society (just not in our backyards).


Scrat, the lovable saber toothed squirrel from the Ice Age movies. He holds a dear place in all of our hearts. We root for him in theater, but what if he were to show up in your backyard? Would you shoo him away empty stomached? NO! What if Rocky the Flying Squirrel came? Would you then? Heavens no! Discrimination is in your hearts, and needs to be taken out!

After that you must think I'm obsessed with squirrels, and I'm not. I'm am however, obsessed with injustices. Don't turn away these creatures because of their looks, they want to be as civilized as you are.  But years and centuries of being treated like scum they have turned and became scum. There is hope. If the next generation of humans change there ways, perhaps these little guys will change theirs.

My Dear Waffle House

Why is it when you think of Waffle House you automatically think of truckers? Why not?! Along with the 80's look of this novel establishment, truckers add a nice touch to the decor. However that ain't the only thing that keeps it going. For example where else in the world are you going to find two pancakes, two eggs, toast, bacon, and coffee all for $5.50?  Never! And that's what people pay for. At least the truckers do.

Now, you can't go to WH without noticing the waitresses. Sure, maybe she's missing a few teeth, and speaks with the thickest southern accent you've ever heard, but that's what adds to the novelties.


Now no WH would be complete without Bubba your cook. You know, the guy who looks like he has been sneaking cheese between orders. The hasn't-showered-in-three-days look is ingenious! Who came up with that?! Okay maybe that wasn't planned, but hey! Decor.

Not everybody would agree with me on these points, but I like it. It's like you are going back in time. Soaking in the culture of a Waffle House is an enjoyable meal to me. In fact I might go there now...

The Absence of a Mind and Body

Have you ever been sitting in a public place and all of a sudden you are rudely disturbed by the outburst of a crying baby? Most have, and find it annoying. Me? I find it incredibly annoying. What causes this rudeness? It is my theory that when women give birth there some mutation of the brain in three out of five mothers that causes them to haphazardly lose there sense of manners.

Let me give you an example. It was a Sunday morning during church, when the sound of an infant sitting behind me suddenly sounded. After about twenty seconds of this I became quickly irritated with the unruly mother of this child. How could she sit there knowing that two hundred other people had to listen to it? When you thought things couldn’t get worse, the sound of a thick southern accent whispered through the screaming. “Shhh! Quiet.” it said “You’re bothering people.” Wearing my “I-am-so-disgusted-with-you” face, I quickly took a look behind me, trying to communicate the need for this person to remove there child.  Sitting with a baby on her lap was a mother telling her infant to be quiet? I was dumbfounded at this new approach of parenting. The sarcastic side in me felt the need to ask her if it was working, but I was afraid she’d tell me to stop “bothering people”.

Another time a mother started changing her baby right in the middle of a hallway. As if that wasn’t enough asked me, a total stranger, to throw away the diaper? Am I its keeper? I don’t ask you to throw away my trash, why should I toss your kids diaper away? Can’t you ask Junior over here to do it for you? Since he can comprehend “be quiet” and all.

Those were just a few examples of mothers that I have experienced. The injustices come in all sorts of forms every day. Unfortunately, there is no non awkward polite way of getting my message across, and since we don’t fully understand what causes this absence of common sense, we don’t have a sure fire answer. The only thing I can do now is practice my “I-am-so-disgusted-with-you” faces and hope for the best.